


the man behind the sexbots

by shadhahvar



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Austin Powers References, Casual Mentions of Robotic Seduction, Cryogenic Sleep Age Gap, Evil Genius, Happy Ending, J.J. Leroy as Austin Powers, M/M, Sexbots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 08:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16512503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadhahvar/pseuds/shadhahvar
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov is the chief scientist behind Dr. Evil Assets' Research and Development Department. This is the story behind his Sinister Evil eXperience Robots (sexbots for short), and the man who inspired them all... forty years ago.Back before Viktor was cryogenically frozen.





	the man behind the sexbots

**Author's Note:**

  * For [argyros (argentumluna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumluna/gifts).



> This story is inspired by art that will be found in You Only Live Once: Yuri on Ice Spy Zine!

Routine maintenance with the Sinister Evil eXperience Robots, also known as the SEX Robots, was a mixture of pleasure and heartache for Viktor, head of Research and Development for Dr. Evil Assets, Inc. Pleasure because keeping his inventions working and in top condition was satisfying, and heartache because it meant staring at the face of the man he loved every day, the forty years separating them a gulf stretching between distant shores.

He’d crafted the appearance of the SEX Robots (reclassified as _Eros Bots_ per Christophe’s mandate after their initial demonstration) from memory when given no specifications beyond “visually appealing and compelling enough to work as our own honeypot agents and guards we don’t have to pay, Viktor, we’re saving _money_.” Which felt ludicrous on some levels, since robots could be given viruses or hacked or disabled with the right electromagnetic impulse or overheat if their processes were running hard and heat dissipation interfaces weren’t performing above capacity, but it was true: robots didn’t ask to be paid. They asked for tune-ups and solicited for sex, but they didn’t want _money_. If that was better or not remained unasked and unanswered.

Viktor sighed, swallowing the sound as he finished staring blankly at the computer screen while the system rebooted. Technology had increased by leaps and bounds over the last four decades. The processing power for standard equipment made easily accessible on the market was astounding compared to when he’d been last awake. He’d missed out on so much during his time in cryosleep; the world had not slowed down in the slightest.

Viktor didn’t resent Christophe, alias Dr. Evil Assets, for the time they’d spent in cryosleep. He’d designed the technology, had been running experiments with mice that showed promising, consistent results, and had taken the leap of faith in his own multi-disciplinary genius that they’d survive to be woken in the future. Christophe believed it would be easier to navigate through the dark markets of the world without the loaned Canadian Intelligence Officer who tracked down their operations and setting them back year after year. Jackie-Joe Lebra, or something along those lines. His name never stuck in Viktor’s memory, just his hideous choice in cravats. It was unfortunate that the man had likewise been cryogenically frozen by the _British Intelligence Agency_ so that when Christophe re-emerged, like a fantastically flamboyant, sexy butterfly, John-Jason Lawson crawled out of the mud after him like a pugnaciously persistent toad.

The Eros Bots were in system standby, each one sitting or sprawled on the lounge furniture. They’d been running through system updates the night before, accounting for why none of them were on patrol. Viktor tracked down a trojan one had downloaded when accessing pornographic material on the world wide web, then spent most the night eradicating the virus and tracking it back to its author and destroying _their_ computer files. He’d lectured the Eros Bots on proper protocols with downloads and advertisements, then given them Christophe’s credit card and resolved to handle the charges like he did with the rest of Dr. Evil Assets’ finances.

Which was another point of contention. Sooner or later, Christophe was going to have to admit he needed to think in larger numbers in the present world. Millions weren’t the same after adjusting for inflation, and valuable information and technology traded on billions in the modern day and age. 

“You look troubled.”

Viktor glanced over at the Eros Bot addressing him, noting it was the Alpha bot. Beta had been responsible for the trojan issue, and Alpha responsible for enforcing the protocol.

“Don’t tell me I’m getting wrinkles,” he said, offering Alpha a half-hearted smile. It faded as quickly as it came, Viktor’s gaze drawn back to his computer screen. 

“Fine, I won’t.” Alpha smiled in the same beguiling way Alpha always smiled. Viktor had coded that particular response, including the nuance in eyes and posture that accompanied it. He remembered Yuuri giving him the same look in the heat of a summer’s night, the sweet taste of alcohol on his tongue, the fireworks from a local festival painting the dark with brilliant bursts of light overhead. Alpha’s smile was a hollow imitation.

He still smiled back, breathing out in a soft chuckle before his shoulders set and all traces of humour fled his features. “Thank you. We need to finish running system diagnostics on you and Omega. Dr. Evil Assets wants everyone running perimeter guard the next week. We had word about Jerry-Jackson Lablanc receiving our tip-off to the lair.”

“We’re going to have a new mouse to play with soon, then.” Alpha sat on the examination table, nude from the waist up. Viktor didn’t need access to Alpha’s chest-panel today, just the port behind Alpha’s right ear, but it was standard procedure.

Alpha’s statement left Viktor smiling again, a wry, chilling expression. “Have you ever heard the parable of the lion with the thorn in its paw, Alpha?”

Hooking a foot behind an ankle, Alpha tipped their head to the side and watched Viktor unwind the cabling they were about to have connected to their port. “Is that the one where the mouse removes the thorn that incapacitated the lion? It doesn’t seem logical. If there’d been an infection of a level to cause the excessive pain the lion felt, a mouse would be an inadequate attendant. Removal of the thorn would possibly allow for purulent material to exit the wound if an abscess had formed around the thorn, but I don’t believe mice are better equipped for such extractions than the feline tongue.”

Viktor blinked, raising an eyebrow as Alpha finished rambling. “Have you been on Wikipedia again?”

Alpha kicked their feet in a small circle and nodded. “Also Web MD. There’s a remarkable amount of information on both websites. Wikipedia was of more help with expanding databases on human sexuality and sexual practices.” Alpha tipped their head forward and to the side, baring their throat while giving Viktor easier access to their port. “I’d be happy to discuss my findings with you, perhaps even demonstrate?”

Viktor plugged Alpha in, checking the security of his connection before turning back to the computer screen. He ignored Alpha’s fingers playing over his lab coat sleeve, tugging at his elbow. The Eros Bots were insatiable. Christophe had insisted on that particular personality programming shift. He seemed to enjoy it, and none of the Eros Bots reported unexpected wear and tear from the increased use when off agent or guard duties. It also meant they were near constantly attempting to expand their collective knowledge database by practicing flirtation and seduction with all staff, which was allowed when they weren’t otherwise tasked by Christophe or Viktor himself. It made for long days, and amusing ones when Viktor wasn’t the focus of their attentions.

He hadn’t programmed the Eros Bots to recognise love or anything of the sort. What they could emulate in feelings was difficult to say, but on a purely aesthetic level, lust and desire and all apparent enjoyments of the flesh (linked to pressure sensing nodes buried under the epidermis of human-like skin) they had down to pat. The rest was a neural network learning process with each individual Eros Bot bringing back their experiences to the collective whole. They were a frightening force, able to organise and move out without speaking, connected as they were on a private network at all times. When it came to security, they were unmatched.

Though these ones did tend to fall back on seduction as a preventative measure again altercation, then binding targets for collection. They weren’t pacifists, but Viktor’s programming directives ensured they looked to capture and contain before they sought to kill.

Their particular technology was one of those Dr. Evil Assets was advertising to buyers looking for private security forces, and was part of why Viktor was running these diagnostics. He’d allowed the neural network to continue to grow, and each of the Eros Bots was showing an ability to freely associate and determine personality elements beyond those he’d programmed. He was both proud and more determined to ignore their quirks than ever before. 

They all looked like Yuuri, but not one of them had his personality, and if Viktor had his way, they never would. He wasn’t that far gone. Yet.

He started the diagnostic, turning back to Alpha to watch a curious blank look steal across their face as the link-up began installing system updates and language packages adjustments for Korean and Swahili. “This shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

“Okay, Dr. Nikiforov.” Alpha smiled, but their eyes didn’t lose that glossy, unfocused look. It wasn’t until they refocused on Viktor and met his gaze directly that he realised he’d been staring the whole time, losing himself in memories as the program ran as expected.

Alpha noticed, and finally blinked, a bit of programming that went offline during maintenance. No need to waste lubricant. They smiled, trailing one hand down over their sternum. “Like what you see?”

Viktor flashed a smile with more teeth than necessary in return. “Oh, very much. All your diagnostics came back saying your systems are clear!” He deftly unhooked the cable from behind Alpha’s ear, patting them on the shoulder as he turned away. “If you can send Omega over so I can finish running their diagnostics before the next patrol shift, that’d be great.”

“Yes, of course.” Alpha slid off the table, landing light on their feet. All the Eros Bots strutted and stalked instead of walking, not quite capable of a dancer’s grace, but close, all things considered. Alpha brushed by Viktor, touching his side, only to stop and come closer, peering over Viktor’s shoulder. He frowned, the smallest curve of his lips downward, looking in the same direction as Alpha to determine what the Eros Bot was examining. All he saw was the monitor and his old polaroid photograph of himself and Yuuri on the deck of the Katsuki family hotspring resort. The monitor simply showed a clean bill of electronic health for Alpha.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“The photograph.” Alpha bumped their hip against Viktor’s, moving to his side at the counter and reaching out to tap the tip of one finger against the polaroid. “It’s old. I could run a diagnostic for age—”

“That won’t be necessary.” Viktor reached out, plucking up the polaroid with care. He gazed down at the two of them in the photograph, leaning shoulder to shoulder, Viktor’s _jinbei_ artfully left open at the chest. Yuuri’s sister had taken this for them, smoking curling over her head as she waited for them to settle down. Mari. Her name was Mari, or had been, at least. 

“That’s you, correct? Who is the other man?”

The curiosity was strange, but only strange because it was focused on nonessential details. A new behaviour he’d need to make note of later. “Katsuki Yuuri. He’s a brilliant mechanical engineer, or he was at the time. We met at a convention held in Tokyo.” Viktor slipped the photo into his coat pocket, flashing Alpha another smile. “You’ll send Omega along, won’t you?”

Alpha cocked their head to the side, watching Viktor with no change to their facial features. Then they smiled, inclining their head forward. “Of course.” Alpha turned and left, heading for far corner of the lounge. Omega was already headed Viktor’s way, near identical to Alpha, except Omega’s bangs had been carefully parted in the front to reveal more forehead.

“I like your hair, Omega. Are you ready for me to run your system diagnostics?”

Omega perched delicately on the table. “Yes, Dr. Nikiforov. Thank you for noticing my hair. I’ve been experimenting with alternate presentations and styles. Is it possible to place an order for extensions?”

Viktor didn’t bother hiding his amusement at the request. Maybe he shouldn’t have allowed the degree of autonomy given the Eros Bots in their free time, but he liked the quirks they were developing. None of them were Yuuri, and none would be, but they were all becoming individuals. It was a fascinating process. He wished he had more time to study it in exclusion.

“I’ll see if we can find room in the budget. I think we can agree that all good international spy operations should have a variety of disguise supplies on hand.”

By the time he’d finished running diagnostics and fixing a system error for Omega related to parsing data for back-up on the cloud, he’d forgotten about Alpha’s odd curiosity over his only photograph of himself and Yuuri. He collapsed on the bed of his two bedroom flat in the side of the lair that night, only remembering to pull the polaroid out to set it on his nightstand before passing out on top of the covers, waking up before dawn to start the next day.

Research and Development for an evil organisation really didn’t have better hours than a private or public group, though they did have cookies. 

Three days later, Dr. Evil Assets summoned Viktor to his headquarters, where he sat with his cat resting in his lap, plentiful fur drifting away with each stroke of Dr. Evil Assets’ hand. Juan-Josue Lascano had dropped in as predicted, accompanied by one of the best and brightest out of the current British Intelligence Agency, Isabella Yang.

Viktor waited by the doorway, the light from the hall behind him illuminating his back and casting his shadow into the darker space of the room, riddled with monitors. Christophe was in full diabolical mode, glasses glinting as he watched the warning notifications scroll over his screens while the two government agents infiltrated his lair.

Viktor knew what was coming. He also knew Dr. Evil Assets had a flair for the dramatic, so Christophe would only speak when he felt the timing was perfect. Even in the middle of an infiltration.

“Send in the Eros Bots.”

Ah, there it was. Viktor closed his eyes, inclining his head forward. “... As you like.”

He left the room, heading for his access terminal to contact Alpha. As luck had it, Alpha was patrolling near Viktor’s lab, falling into step with him as Viktor strode past and waved him close.

“Jerry-Jake Lucas is here with Isabella Yang.”

“You mean Jean-Jacques Leroy?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“... No.”

“Oh. Well, nevermind that! Dr. Evil Assets wants you and the rest of the Eros Bots to delay and capture the both of them. He’ll update orders if that becomes a kill command.”

“Understood.”

Viktor paused to allow his retina to be read by the scanner, settling his hands over the keyboard revealed under the previously innocuous monitor with its shifting backgrounds of nature preserves. 

“Alpha, this man’s a menace. He’s an irritant, and he’s a capable one. Don’t underestimate his ability to withstand your considerable charms, or Isabella Yang’s resistance to the same. I want you all coming back functional, not in pieces, understood?”

Alpha tipped their head to the side, resting one hand on their hip. “Is he that frightening?”

Viktor closed his eyes. “He’s a menace,” he said again, as if that would impress itself on the robot. “He’ll destroy anything he gets his hands on. Seduce and subdue, okay?” He opened his eyes to find Alpha staring at him, unblinking, hand now resting neutral at their side.

“Yes. Seduce and subdue. Be prepared or be destroyed.” Alpha quirked a smile. “Is this a Pre-Sacrifice Final Goodbye trope moment?”

Viktor closed his eyes again and fought off the headache that the blaring warning sirens was already aggravating. Alpha must have fallen into the rabbit-hole of TV Tropes sometime recently. Pop culture knowledge was a struggle for Viktor, and a lost cause for Christophe if it fell outside his personal sphere of interest. The Eros Bots had no such difficulties.

“The whole point is you _don’t_ needlessly sacrifice yourselves, but yes, sure.” He finished inputting the command lines and system overrides, hitting send. “It’s a Pre-Sacrifice Final Goodbye moment.”

He opened his eyes to find Alpha reaching down their bootie shorts and pulling out an origami crane. Viktor had no idea where Alpha had learned origami or _why_ , but he held out his hand when Alpha gestured, and Alpha pressed the crane into it with a stern set to their features.

“Then this may be the last time we speak, Dr. Nikiforov. If one such as I could offer a suggestion?” Alpha pulled their hand away, eyes dropping to the crane Viktor now held. “Katsuki Yuuri is alive. Call him.”

Alpha sauntered off, Beta joining them at the intersection with a cross hall, then both of them disappeared around the corner. Viktor stared after them, tuning out the blare of the warning sirens, frozen in surprise. Eventually, he looked down at the white folded paper bird with clearly printed lettering visible on one wing. There was a name in kanji, then romanji, a number, and an address followed by a peach emoji.

Viktor shook his head and pocketed the crane, heading toward his lab proper to ensure shutdown procedures were in effect, and all his research was backed up and wiped off the local network hard drives if he needed to make that call. 

Knowing Jared-Jasper Leyton, he figured it was likely.

— **Some Indeterminate Amount of Time and a Plane Trip Later...** —

Viktor stared down at the paper in his hand, then up at the familiar entrance to the hot spring resort he remembered from decades earlier. The courtyard was different now; the trees were taller, their branches more wizened in some cases, more expansive in others. He walked over the threshold taking a deep breath, clutching the paper close as he made his way to the sliding wood doors across the courtyard. He reached for the handle as the door slid open, a messy mop of dark hair and familiar blue glasses perched on a rounded face appearing mere centimetres away from his own.

He froze, heart stuttering in his chest. The design flaws in the Eros Bots were so obvious now when he was faced with the living reality. His crafting from memory and a single polaroid photograph couldn’t compare to the soft, warm beauty of Yuuri’s face as his brow went from furrowing in startled, polite confusion to shocked recognition. His brown eyes widened comically large as he took in Viktor standing there, sunglasses pushed up on top of his head.

“Viktor?”

“Hey.” He smiled, or tried to, managing little more than the ghost of one. “Yuuri. I’ve missed y—”

He was cut off as Yuuri launched himself into Viktor’s chest, wrapping his arms around him in a bone crushing hug. “Forty years overdue, you _jackass_ , but you’re here. Don’t you dare leave me waiting again, do you hear me? Never, Viktor! I won’t have it.”

He held Yuuri close, feeling his shoulders shake. He buried his nose in Yuuri’s hair, breathing in his familiar scent and marveling that it was so much like what he remembered. “No,” he said, meaning it as he spoke, “I won’t. Not again, not for anything.” He pulled his head back, giving Yuuri’s torso a squeeze and waiting for him to meet his eyes. When Yuuri did, Viktor smiled, managing to look both sheepish and sad. “Any room for an ex-robotics expert in a sleepy seaside town in Japan?”

Yuuri brought his hands up to Viktor’s chest, hands that were so like and unlike forty years ago. There were more scars, sunspots, calluses that had formed in different ways, but they were still Yuuri’s hands.

“Yes.” His eyes were level and determined, the glimmer of unshed tears still visible. “Let me take care of you for once, Viktor. Though if you don’t want to be with an old man—”

Viktor took that as his cue, bringing his hands up to cup Yuuri’s face and lean in to claim a kiss filled with a fraction of his heart-felt longing. Yuuri didn’t hesitate to return the press of lips, pulling Viktor close and tipping his head to the side to deepen the angle of their kiss. He tasted like tea. Viktor had never tasted anything sweeter, and as he worked his fingers through Yuuri’s hair, kissing him like a man drowning and desperate for air, for the first time since he woke up, he felt alive. When he pulled back at last, his intense gaze locked with Yuuri’s.

“I’ll never stop wanting you. Not now, not forty years from now. Though I’m afraid I’m coming to you without anything more to my name than two suitcases and what I’m wearing.”

Yuuri didn’t even glance down. He held Viktor’s gaze, unperturbed, certainly not willing to let him walk away while they had their relative public privacy in the courtyard of the onsen. “I’d take you with less than that, and you know it. Besides, it won’t be so bad, being the… what’s the term. Sugar daddy? For the world’s most brilliant scientist.”

“Yuuri!” Viktor laughed, surprised and amused by different things. “So saucy!”

Yuuri cracked a grin, eyes half lidded. “Don’t you mean sassy?”

“That too, really, and I love them both. Still, tempting as that offer is—” He started, trying to go down on one knee.

Yuuri yanked him upright, holding him flush against his front for two frantic seconds. “Wait! Stay here, right here, don’t move. Please, I promise I’ll be right back.”

Bemused and unwilling to object, Viktor stood his ground with the weight of the jewelry box in his pocket on his mind. Yuuri walked back into the open door, sliding into house slippers and shuffling off just shy of a jog. He still moved like a man half his age.

Viktor tried not to fiddle with the box as he stood there, keeping his faith and his place where Yuuri had asked. It was the least he could do when he’d made Yuuri wait forty unplanned years.

Minutes later Yuuri rushed back out, shoving his feet into his outdoor slippers and running to Viktor, cheeks flushed. He took hold of Viktor’s hands, breathing heavily, head bowed forward. Then he sunk down as if his knees had given up on him, still holding Viktor’s hands clasped between his own.

“Yuuri? Are you okay?”

Yuuri shook his head, then nodded, then shook his head again. “Yes, no, maybe. Yes. I’m okay. More okay than I’ve been for a long time.” He looked up, meeting Viktor’s concerned gaze. His eyes sparkled with determination, the flush on his cheeks enchanting, at least in Viktor’s opinion. Yuuri wasn’t beautiful by classic standards, but he was beautiful in how he felt his emotions fully and how he expressed his passions and how he lived. He was beautiful in his work, and Viktor admired all of it.

He had forty years of admiring to catch up on.

Viktor tried to help Yuuri up, but he shook his head vehemently. “I’m okay. I need a moment, that’s all.” Yuuri let go of one hand, his other still holding Viktor’s hands together, reaching into his house coat pocket. On his knees, Yuuri looked up at Viktor, slowly opening his hand to reveal two rings nestled in his palm. “Viktor Nikiforov, will you marry me?”

Unable to breathe, let alone think, Viktor stared dumbly down at Yuuri’s palm. When Yuuri took his right hand, still studying his face, he made himself swallow and speak.

“I, yes. Yes, of course. Yuuri, did you… for forty years?”

“No,” he said, smile blooming across his face. “Only thirty-eight or so. I was hopeful, for a while, then desperate. Now you’re here, and… it’s one of the only things in my life I’ve regretted. Never being able to ask.”

As far as retiring from evil genius spy organisations went, he had to admit this was a better outcome than he ever would have predicted. Especially when Yuuri slid the ring on his finger, nestling it home past the second knuckle, and handed Viktor the other ring to return the favour.

“I’m starting to wonder what we should do with the engagement rings I bought.”

“Save them for the wedding. Are they expensive?”

“Well, yes, and they should fit, unless your ring size has changed…”

“It hasn’t.” Yuuri smiled, finally allowing Viktor to help him to his feet. “My hands are just knobbier now.” Viktor brushed some of his stray locks of hair off his forehead, leaning forward to rest his head against Yuuri’s. They stayed like that, comfortably holding each other and uncomfortably staring into each other’s eyes, until Yuuri laughed and shook his head, moving back.

“What am I doing, acting like some young man. I help with the onsen in the mornings before heading out to my workspace. Mari’s still managing most everything here. You should meet her family, I need to introduce you—I’m an uncle, did you know that?”

“I had no idea,” Viktor said, smiling as he did. “I want to hear everything.”

Their day was a flurry of activity, Viktor refusing to let Yuuri out of his sight, and Yuuri refusing to let Viktor out of his general area. They fell into a rhythm of movement around each other as they headed out, while Viktor watched Yuuri review progress on his projects, both for the city and his own personal ventures.

They held hands as they walked home, shoulders bumping companionably as they went. Viktor tipped his head back, looking past the scattered town lights toward the broad expanse of the sky stretching overhead. The moon wasn’t quite full on the horizon, but it was beautiful and compelling nonetheless. Full moons and full appetites. His mind wandered toward more personal, physical realms, and the warmth of Yuuri at his side. He brought his chin down, looking sideways at Yuuri.

“You know, Yuuri, I was thinking… maybe I’ll be able to wear you out first for a change.”

Yuuri chuckled, giving Viktor a heated look through lowered lashes. None of the Eros Bots had ever gotten this look quite right either, he realised, and he couldn’t care less. “We’ll see about that.”

Which was exactly what they did once they made it home.

**Author's Note:**

> With YOLO preorders closing in the next day or two, and with November upon us, I'll be back on my writing for all those things I know people are waiting on out there. Fingerguns at the monitor!


End file.
